When I Dream

Dreams really do come true.

I’ve seen it happen on TV. I’ve watched people become the next iron chef, top model and ultimate fighter. I once witnessed some lucky guy win his very own bachelorette. I even saw a complete unknown become an American Idol right before my eyes. Then there was the biggest loser that became the biggest winner. I’ve also watched scores of blue-collar types become instant millionaires. Bless their hearts; they all said wealth would never change their lifestyle.

The Sun is Always Shining

The Sun Is Always Shining

Typically, when people talk about pursuing a dream, they have their sights on something

obtainable – maybe not easily obtainable – but obtainable nonetheless. Sometimes, dreams do fall into a person’s lap, as we see on TV. But not everyone can rely on luck. Most of us have to pay dues. Living in the land of opportunity does have its advantages. The American dream makes it much easier for those who are hungry for success, whereas third world countries present challenges we don’t face in the states.

In many parts of the world, people dream of food on the table.

For this reason, many dream of coming to America. They have no ambition of becoming the next rock star, sports star or movie star. All they have on their radar is a more comfortable existence. In this stage of my life, that’s all I’m after. I am absolutely convinced that my dream will come true.

One day soon I will wake up completely pain free.

I often wonder what that will be like. I have forgotten what it is to feel “normal.” I’m not sure what that means anymore. My pain is chronic. It is never absent. A day never goes by – not even a moment – when I’m not aware of my discomfort. It’s part of me now; a part of who I am. I prefer not to be thought of this way by others, so I don’t talk about my condition much… unless I really have to. I refuse to be pitied or labeled. I don’t want to be looked upon as that poor, suffering soul. Yet that is how I have come to know myself. I hurt. Sometimes I hurt a lot. I have bad days and sometimes I have even worse days. I couldn’t adequately describe what a good day is for me. I suppose that would be when I don’t have really bad days.

On not-so-bad days, when my pain is tolerable, I function pretty well. I can concentrate, be social, be productive and feel happy. I can act as if everything feels normal. But even my not-so-bad-days tend to end early. Eventually I tap out. Evenings are the most difficult. By then, I feel fatigued and sorer than before. Generally, I have to lie down; I stay that way until I turn in for the night.

Sleep is something I have come to truly cherish. In this tranquil state I become oblivious to pain and snooze like a baby. For this reason, I have grown to appreciate those nights of slumber more than ever before. It’s the only time can enjoy the normal life. If only I could wake up to this kind of normal… even for a moment. But that’s only a dream. That’s okay because I truly do believe in dreams. I know mine will come true. Someday soon I will wake up completely pain free.

I will never stop dreaming this dream.

No one can ever take it away from me. I will never stop believing or hoping or praying. These things are what keep me going. They are what keep me strong and encouraged and joyful. That’s how I prefer to be known by others. I wish to be seen in a positive light, as one who keeps his spirits high. So I dream my dreams and pray my prayers. And I look forward to that day when I will feel normal again. I may have forgotten what it is like, but I do remember it as being pretty sweet. Once I return to the sweet life, I will be known as the one who never gave up on his dream.

 “Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me. Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.”  (Psalm 38:21-22)

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